Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Four Step Programme For Successful EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL



Yes, it's me, Carlton The Special One

For the duration of the A to Z Challenge, Carlton Cat will be taking over this blog. 
He's a little bit of a maverick moggie with strong views.



Emotional Blackmail
THIS is a vital skill in my feline armoury. Thanks to my ability to look cute or sad on demand, I can pretty much get my own way about everything. Here is a little lesson for other cats who haven't quite mastered the art of emotional blackmail.

Let me show you:

A demonstration of the supine pose by my friend Toffee.
You may fancy a brief tickling of the tummy but the human is very busy, dashing about doing what humans do (lots of dashing, not much achieved). You must throw yourselves in front of their feet - not too close, you don't want them to step on you - and roll quickly onto your back. Above we have a picture of the supine position. Cats who adopt this pose look vulnerable and appealing. What the human reads from the pose is, "Look at me, I trust you so much that I am baring my stomach to you. Is it too much to ask for a rub in exchange for my undying love?"

Of course, rub me for a nano second too long and I will sink my teeth into your hand and my claws into your arm.


This picture and the one below posed my models.
Then there is the big-eyed "I'm so sad you're not paying me any attention" look. Mr and Mrs may be very busy. They could be running about trying to remedy that "house hit by  an earthquake" appearance before the in-laws visit or they may be hard at work trying to complete some report as a deadline rushes to meet them. Whatever is going on in their lives, all you have to do is reach out a paw to give them a stroke, tilt head slightly sideways and look at them with a pair of giant pleading eyes, and they will immediately stop what they're doing and give you whatever you want.



You may have eaten a bowl of food a short while ago, but after an exhausting hour of bird-watching, chasing some idiot interloper cat from the garden and batting a ball of paper across the floor, you are now STARVING. You go and sit by the bowl as Mr and Mrs sit at the kitchen table. One of them may say: "He can't be hungry; he had two sachets of meaty chunks and a handful of crispy crunchies at 10 o'clock." So you have to employ some emotional blackmail. Jump up on the chair, rest your chin on the table and start to drool. Works every time.


Toffee adopts the "accusing" pose.
Finally, sometimes despite all your best efforts your human will behave badly. They may have had a bad day at work and will pay you very little attention or, conversely, they may be in a very jolly mood, laughing at your antics rather than responding to them. Now is the time to be strict. I advise getting onto their level and fixing them with your most accusing stare to show how disappointed you are with their behaviour. I call it the "this hurts me more than it hurts you" look.

So, my feline friends, that's how it's done. You're welcome.



The Mrs has another blog here.

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7 comments:

Liz A. said...

A master of the art...

Darla M Sands said...

I'm not letting my cats read this. ~grin~ They already drove me from the dining room table with my plate of Chinese leftovers.
Awakening Dreams and Conquering Nightmares with a Pen
I’m still having fun with my little focus on music this month. Be well!

Josie Two Shoes said...

My four furkids have these down too well. I especially love that "stop playing on the keyboard - suppertime was five minutes ago" look. Is telepathic glowering possible? I think it is because it works every time, and they never, ever blink when employing it!
Josie Two Shoes from Josie's Journal

Deziz World said...

Well now those are sum great tips, specially fur da young kitties. Luv da fotos.

Luv ya'

Dezi

pilch92 15andmeowing said...

My kitties have mastered the art of emotional blackmail :)

Jo said...

I don't think I know any cats that don't master this art.

Birgit said...

All our pussy cats have done this pose and more