Friday, 15 April 2016

Mistakes? Not me

Yes, it's me, Carlton The Special One

For the duration of the A to Z Challenge, Carlton Cat will be taking over this blog. He's a little bit of a maverick moggie with strong views.

Mistakes? Not Me

M is for mistakes: I never make one. You, my dear Mr and Mrs, may THINK I have made a mistake but you are wrong.

You may see me climb to the top of the bookcase and then, apparently, miss my footing and plummet to the floor. I have, however, done this completely on purpose. I am in training for the Purrlympics. Never heard of them? Well, we cats don't like to brag about our athletic expertise so we hold our events in secret. I am the world champion in the Three Metre Drop and aim to keep my title this year.

My head is apparently stuck in a cardboard box. No, it is not. I can remove the box whenever I like. I am just in here checking there are no insects stuck in the corners. It might take me some time. Yes, I'm still looking. I know it's been ten minutes but I am nothing if not thorough. If you want to, you can take the box off me. I will humour you and allow you to do that. Like, now? NOW!

I apparently swallowed a bee by accident. Silly, silly you. Haven't you heard that bee venom cures arthritis? I know my face has blown up like a balloon but that's a small price to pay for not having this debilitating illness. I am aware I don't actually have arthritis  but this is merely proof that my preventative measure is working.

You laugh when I apparently chase my own tail in the mistaken belief it belongs to someone else. But what I am actually doing is testing Dizziness Resistance. I must make sure that after four or five head-spinning turns I can still stand up. I am doing this for YOU, Mr and Mrs. What if, for example, I spotted a mouse inside a-a-a spinning thing, how could I rescue you from the little monster if I were  having a dizzy spell? I am testing the CARLTON hypothesis (Centrifugal force + Atomic reaction + Resistance + Law of the sod + Test mode + Observation = no Nausea.

  • You can if you so desire, it's not compulsory, visit the Mrs's other blog Around My Kitchen Table HERE. It's not as good as mine, obvs, but it's OK.

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  1. Swallowing bee does not sound like a good thing to do.

    Meet My Imaginary Friends

  2. Ha! You've purr-fectly captured the cat-titude! I truly don't believe they can feel embarrassment, let alone have the capacity to show it. Part of that feline charm, I guess;-)

  3. Cats do manage to make everything look intentional. ~grin~ It's an art.
    Awakening Dreams and Conquering Nightmares with a Pen
    Best wishes!

  4. You make a very good point here, Carleton, you felines would like us to believe that you never, ever make a mistake or have an accident. I've also discovered that if we accidentally erupt in laughter over some antic that APPEARS to have gone very wrong for you, the response is not pretty. My cats will turn their back to me for an extended period as punishment, because they know I can't bear to live without their attention. However, I have caught them sneaking little peaks to see if I am noticing their display of disdain. I really do try very hard not to laugh! :-)
    from Josie's Journal

  5. Good examples of how we cats are misunderstood. Thanks.

    Funny Farmer Felines

  6. MOL Luv this posty. Sooooo funny.

    Luv ya'


  7. Indeed cats would have us believe they never make mistakes. I do have an old lump of a thing that seems to have missed out on the disdainful attitude of most moggies but his cat sister of many years had it down to an art form

  8. Carlton certainly embodies everything I know about cats. My husband always says he doesn't like cats because they are supercilious and yet cats always go to him.


  9. It's all in how you frame the narrative.

  10. Carlton, we're with you on this one, buddy. Us cats never make mistakes.


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