It's Friday - the day Carlton takes over my blog. Views are his own and not necessarily, in fact, rarely, shared by the blog owner.
by Carlton Cat
I AM pissed off; well and truly pissed off. The Mr and Mrs have been on holiday and, like some feline Macauley Culkin, left me Home Alone. Yes, ALONE!
Well, nearly alone. Their two nieces have taken it in turns to pop in regularly to make sure I am fed, watered and unkidnapped. They have checked I haven't been sold to a ginger-slave trader and forced to sleep in a cold and cheerless attic, eat cheap supermarket own brand slop and made to keep down the mice population of a small town.
Admittedly, one or other of them has stayed the night so in fact I have had more company than I do when the Mr and Mrs are both working. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT.
How could they so callously abandon me to my fate?
The two girls were fine in their own way but they don't know me as well as the Mr and Mrs do so were neglectful in certain areas. I tried to show my displeasure by sitting on top of the bookcase and giving Girl 1 the evil eye. She didn't even notice and I couldn't stay up there long as a cat's gotta eat and she had just filled my bowl with tuna chunks.
I surprised Girl 2 with the "gift" of a mouse but all she did was scream like… well, like a girl, and got out the rubber gloves to dispose of it.
Neither of them knew even the most basic cat care. Can you believe it, they didn't even know how to rub ears properly. I KNOW! Astonishing in this day and age.
In fact my ears were badly neglected receiving only a cursory stroke as the hand travelled from head to tail. They have not mastered the art of stretching out on the sofa so I can sit on their legs. In fact, not once did either of them put their feet up.
*shakes head in bewilderment*
Both of them shut the bedroom against me, leaving me outside to make my displeasure known vociferously until they opened it and I stalked in with my tail held high to take my rightful place on the duvet.
Amateurs, the pair of them.
Anyway, the Mr and Mrs are back now. They tried to make an almighty great fuss of me but I was having none of it. I gave them my most disdainful look and stalked off to sleep in the garden. They brought me lots of presents so when I felt I had punished them for long enough, I came back in to rip off paper, chew treats and play with feathery things.
The Mrs is now singing as loudly and tunelessly as ever in the kitchen and the Mr is stretched out on the sofa with the TV remote welded to his hand and me trapping his legs.
At last, normal service is resumed.
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